i used to think that there were little men (they kinda looked like lawn gnomes) who lived inside your stomach and controlled some of your bodily funcions.

it was a very dark habitat (i can still picture it to-day) and there was a big golden river. this river was your pee. and the gnomes would put your poo into canons, and that was how you pooped. but they weren't very smart, so sometimes they fired the canon without loading it... that's why you farted. and that's why people were teased for farting a lot, cuz they had really stupid gnomes.

jessimocha

I used to think my family was the only one that farted. Except we didn't call them farts, we called them Boomies. I was in first grade one day and a kid next to me let one rip. I said excitedly "oh, you make boomies too?" The kid was like "I don't know what you're talking about, I farted"

Thanks Mom and Dad

Anon

I used to think that if I farted when no one was around, I could repeat the phrase "excuse me" several times, each time using a different voice or tone, and that would make the smell disappear.

Anon

When I was little when someone farted around me I freaked out. You obviously didn't want to breathe through your nose and smell it...so one would think to breathe through your mouth? Not me. I thought that if I would breathe through my mouth, my breath would smell like the fart and everyone could smell it thinking I farted. Needless to say there were probably many occasions where I turned blue from holding my breath.

Anon

my grampa told me me when i was little that when you fart sitting down you have to lean a little to let it out or else it would sneak up your butt crack and blow your belt off. he also said that if you fart in church you have to sniff it all up before everyone else smells it.

sylvie

When I was in elementary school one of my guy friends told me that guys were the only ones who had stinky farts, and that girl farts smelled like perfume. I felt abnormal for a long time because mine usually did stink.

Tiffany

I was sure I had it figured out: exploding turds caused farts.

al

I once asked my mother what whould happen if you held in a fart, not getting much response I asked would the gas poison your insides, to which she replied yes (being a mother now with 3 young kids constantly asking questions - I realise now she was not actually listening to me). Unfortunately I believed holding them in would kill me so from that day I would fart whenever the need took me - including a very loud embarrassing one in Kindy during the singing session. I put up with the humiliation of everyone laughing at me because I genuinely beleived I had saved my own life.

No Longer Farts in Public (not loud ones anyway)

My children all believed , when they were young that dad ( me ) couldn't fart , because i'd had a fartectomy. We still laugh about how , whenever there was a bad smell in our house that " It can't be dad, he's had a fartectomy " was the response from the kids. My six year old grand-daughter nowadays is not quite as gullible.

Keith P.

I used to think that only one person could fart at a time, and every time you did, someone else would breathe it in then they would fart it out then someone else would breathe it in, and so on.

sammy moo

In elementary school, we all used to believe that there was a nerve between your eyebrows that, if pushed with your thumb, would prevent you from smelling someone's fart. This was called "corking it".

Anon

My mom used to tell me that if I swallowed my gum when I farted, I would blow a bubble out of my butt.

bubblebutt

When I was young my mum told me that things that smell bad were poisonous. So every bathtime I would take an empty jamjar. I fill the jamjar with water and catch the bubbles from farts I did in the bath. Later on when my sister was a sleep i would sneak into her room and take the lid off the jar and let her breath the poisonous fumes in her sleep. To my disapointment se survived for over a week and is still alive

My parents made me do it

My mom had two cousins who convinced her that they could see farts. My mom could never find them so her cousins would draw pictures of them. The farts were perfect ovals and they were clear-ish and had smiley faces. It took her about 30 years to realize her cousins were lying.

Fart Faces

I used to think that to get the gas in the natural gas trucks, people farted into the back of the truck and closed the door really quick.

J

When i was little my friends convinced me that when i heard somebody else fart that it was really me.And they told me that no body would know if i sniffed them up quickly enough.Needless to say, my friends constantly tried to fart so that could watch me turn around and sniff untill i thaught it was gone.

fart sniffer

when i was a little kid, when my dad always farted he would say "there goes another barking spider." whenever he said that, i would dive on the floor looking for it.

Anon

When I was a kid my sister once told me that it was a sin to hold back a fart in Church. The reason she gave - concentrating on holding in the fart would distract your attention from the service, and you were supposed to give all your attention to the service. She even told me that because people are supposed to freely fart in Church whenever they get an urge to, that's why the seats are called "pews". Well, it seemed to make sense to me at the time. But by the time I had only let a few good farts in Church, I clearly found out that doing so did NOT meet with my parents' approval. I guess I then began to realize my sister had been playing with me.

Valerie

i used to think that when you held a fart in, that that exact fart would come back exactly a year later; that's right, same time, same day, but one year later. But because this fart had been hibernating for a year it would come back as a really powerful one, that's why some of my farts were smellier or noisier than others i figured. so if i was going to hold one in i had to evaluate whether it was worth it or whether in a year's time i would be in an inconvenient situation. jeez what a freak i was, this kind of thinking can only lead to best-sellers.

first kid on the block

When I was about 5-6 years old, I used to think that whenever someone farted, a little invisible man came out of ur butt, made the sound, and ran around the room stinking the place up with some sprayer he had.

Anon