weeing and pooing

When I was little my auntie told me that eating beets would turn my poop pink. So I ate the beet, ran in the house five minutes later, and almost immediately told her she was wrong.

Beeter

I used to believe the notice on toilet seat protectors saying: 'Provided by the Management for Your Protection.' meant that there was a government agency called the management for your protection

Anon

I used to hold my poop as long as i could so my body could use as much of the nutrients as possible, as long as possible, so i could be bigger.

Anon

My poop was always around the same color as my skin so I assumed white people's poop was white.

jaycee

When I was a kid, the toilet in my bathroom was blue, so I thought that Pee was green. The first time I used a toilet that was white and saw my pee was yellow, I cried cause I thought I was dying

Anon

My aunt Dorothy was a sweet lady. But one thing most everybody noted about her was that she was "obsessed with her bowel movements". Many times I remember hearing her tell how she went to the potty to try to poo, but "to no avail". That is my first memory of ever hearing the phrase "to no avail". So I got the idea that "avail" was a word for a turd or bowel movement. I began learning otherwise one day at school when I asked the teacher if I could be excused because I had to go and do an avail. Surely, I thought, that was a polite word, since my aunt Dorothy used it. The teacher asked what the heck I was talking about, and when she sorted it all out she actually made me stay after school for being so naughty as to use a word wrongly. That made me think that "avail" must be a "bad" word for a BM or turd. as surprising as it made it that my sweet aunt Dorothy would use such a word. In a later grade in school, I was to get a little ire from the teacher and ridicule from students because I burst out laughing when I first heard the phrase "to no avail" used in some other context unrelated to pooping. Fortunately, I avoided any actual punishment for that.

Regina

When I was little, I used to think that when a lady said she had runs in her pantyhose, it meant she had diarrhea and had an accident while wearing pantyhose.

wyrdfishes

When I was a little kid (around 5) I was very constipated... so my uncle would give me a quarter every time I pooped. When I got to kindergarten and took a poop, I would demand a quarter from my teacher

joeBags

Atomatic toilets had people inside of them watching to see when you are done.

Anon

I used to believe that white people had white poop and that mine was brown because I was brown

Anon

I used to think that the "government" were a bunch of people that worked underground and our poop went by them on a conveyer belt. Probably because I asked my dad where does my poop go when I flushed it? And he said the government takes care of it.

Jena

When I was in school, a girl named Jennifer told me that everybody poops except girls named Jennifer. Later I met somebody named Amy in a discussion group I was in. One day she told the group that her parents almost named her Jennifer before deciding on Amy. I said, "Oh my gosh, Amy must get constipated just thinking about that!". Everyone in the group either gave me the strangest look or said "Whaaaat???" as if I'd said something that made no sense at all. I'm still wondering if Jennifer lied to me.

Natalie

When I was little I was at my grandma's house when my aunt changed my girl cousin's diapers in front of me. I noticed she didn't have a penis and asked my aunt how she peed. My aunt said "it comes out when it needs to" so I thought girls had retractable penises.

Coyote

When I was little, I used to take off all my clothes and threw them as far away from the toilet as I could before i pooed. For some reason I believed that if I left my clothes on while taking a dump, they would become contaminated and stinky. To this day I still don't know what gave me that idea!

me!!!

i used to believe (until i was about 20) that i needed to stand up when i was wiping my ass. i had never seen anyone wipe before, so it just seemed natural to me that one would stand. it wasnt until my boyfriend commented on it that i realized that it was possible (and preferable) to do it seated!

Anon

When I was 4, I used to have these weird little thought that all the terds in my body were a family, and that I was doing them a favor by pooping them out. I always thought that they'd be reunited at some kind of party underneath the toilet after they were flushed.

Anon

When I was a nappie-wearing baby, I had a tendency to sit on my bum after pooing, causing the excrement to get plastered all over my bum. My mother, unfazed by the overwhelming disgustingness of having to change me, just called my poohs "pancakes". This caused me to believe that "pancake" was the correct term for poo. Imagine my surprise when I learned that my best friend's mother was making pancakes in the kitchen. I sort of lost my appetite.

Anon

When I was little I walked into the bathroom after my grandpa took a dump without flushing the toilet. In the toilet was something that resembled a white turd (it must have been crumpled toilet paper but hey, I was young). From that time on I thought that old peoples poo was white in much the same way their hair was white.

Anon

When I was a pre-school girl, the first time I remember hearing the word "constipation" was in hearing my aunt talk of being constipated when she was pregnant with my cousin and how pregnancy can cause that. I asked somebody what "constipated" meant and got it explained to me, only thing was no one told me that pregnancy wasn't the only possible cause of constipation. So Some time later, the first time I ever noticed that I'd missed a few days having a bowel movement, my mother was horror-stricken when I went to her and told her that I thought I must be pregnant.

Wendy

I remember getting up at night, going to my parents room, and explaining to my dad that I'd had a wet dream. Dad told me how I was a growing boy, and I felt quite proud (sex education the day before). ..... It turned out that I'd just wet the bed, again.

Anon