weeing and pooing

For the longest time I thought my urine was yellow because we ate corn almost every night and I thought that was turning it yellow. I was secretly angry at my grandmother for years because of this.

Anon

My cousin believed that his poop actually was a camouflaged submarine - akin to 10,000 Leagues Under The Sea. It was luxuriant, draped in fine velvet, had many rooms with crystal chandeliers, and the submariners wore fine evening gowns and tuxedos. The poor odor and grotesque appearance was simply a ploy to prevent curious children from disturbing their venture through the pipes on their way to the ocean - to live peacefully as they explored the reefs and depths. Out of respect, he never chopped a poop in half to see if it was true, in fear of killing the mariners or destroying their fine vessel.
He saw himself, in a way, as a walking and talking shipyard where these vessels were built and manned. The finished product exited his butt to enter the pipes of the toilet. He would never poop anywhere else but in a toilet.

Doug

My mom use to babysit these kids when I was in elementary school. Well one of them was this cool 5th grade girl (I was in 3rd grade). She told me that people who pooped were gross and were 'uncool'. I asked her if she pooped and she answered, "Never! I take these pills and it doesn't make me poo!"

I believed her for over a year and kept asking my mother for these awesome poop pills.

Jesaree no poopie

When I was little, I used to believe that, when pooing, little yellow birds that lived in my intestines would push the poo out of me. They wore hard hats with lights on them like little miners. They used pick-axes and shovels and toiled away in my colon all day and all night preparing the poo. Then, when I had to go, a loud air horn would go off and they would know it was time to start pushing. I am not, as you might imagine, obsessed with pooing as an adult.

Pablo

Several years ago my younger cousin told me that her best friend told her that if you new pee and your old pee got mixed together you could get pregnant. I was a bit confused as to how your old pee and new pee would get mixed together, she said that if you jumped up and down alot it would mix. I laughed and then explained to her how a woman gets pregnant.

Vyki

When I was small, (potty trained to about 13!) I used to believe that if I plugged my ears while urinating, no one would here. I figured that it was abnormal to make a noise while peeing, and if I didn't cover my ears, people would think I was an alien and shoot me!

Amy

I'm black, so as a child I used to assume that white people pooped peach the way I pooped brown.

Rick

when i was 5 years old i used to believe that girls can pee standing up like boys. in my house we had a regular toilet and a urinal. so i needed to pee so bad so i went to the urinal to try it out. it worked out okay until my cousin caught me and said girls are supposed to sit. even to this day i pee standing up over a toilet.

Nikki Pee Girl

I believed ex-lax was real chocolate. I couldn't understand why my mother would keep it in the medicine cabinet and thought she was just trying to conceal it from me. Well, I found it and ate the whole bar thinking I had the greatest treasure. You know the rest.

Anon

Because schools required the students to tell teachers where they were at all times, I grew up with the belief that in order to go to the washroom/toilet, you had to ask the teacher or parent first. This proved a problem one night when I was in bed and my parents were in the living room. I needed to GO, but my parents couldn't hear my question being asked. I gradually increased my volume until I screamed out and my parents came rushing in (I think they thought I was getting kidnapped or something) only to find me doing the bathroom dance.

I was a funny kid. xD

Aimee

My mom told me that if i peed in the pool the water would turn purple and everyone would know it was me who did it. Needless to say i have never peed in the pool!!

Victor

My wife was out running errands with our son, who was 10 years old at the time, when she pulled into a video store, intending to return some rented movies. She noticed that he was desperately squirming, sweating, crossing and uncrossing his legs, and was close to tears. It turns out that he REALLY had to pee, but was too shy to say anything. They went into the store, which was quite crowded, and she asked the clerk if he would allow our son to use the bathroom. The clerk refused, explaining that the washroom was for employees only, and not available to the public. She asked the clerk to reconsider, explaining the urgency. Hoping it would cause the clerk to reconsider, she also added that "my son here has a VERY SMALL BLADDER..." At this, my son went crazy - and stomped right out of the store. For some reason, he was so angry with his mother, that he refused to speak with her, or even get back into the car. Eventually, we got to the bottom of his reaction. It turned out that he didn't know what "bladder" meant, but he assumed it meant "penis". So, what he heard her say to the clerk (in front of a lineup of other customers) was: "Please allow him to use your bathroom - you see, he unfortunately has a very small penis..." He's a young adult now, and has only been able to laugh about it for the past couple of years.

Kirk

When I was little I used to believe that there were ants living in my scrotum sac, and every time i urinated they would squeeze the urine out of my testicles.

Steve

Around the age of 5, I was just SURE that if I pooped AND peed at the same time, Id die right there on the toilet.

Michelin

A lot of times my younger brother wouldn't flush after going number 1 when we were little. I use to believe that if his pee mixed with my pee there would be some type of horrible chemical reaction and my butt would be blown off:)

Beth

When I was very little and still in diapers, I would hear my parents talk about "potty training" and I thought it involved an actual locomotive!

Kate

I used to believe that overweight people were heavy because they didn't poop.

Anon

i once read a story about peeing in the sink. well i misunderstood and belive i ( a girl) was supposed to pee in the sink. well i was only 6 and very short. some how i climbed up on the sink and put my ass on the fosit and started to pee. well my friend walked in on me and said what are u doing. i told her and we both peed in the sink together. the only way i learned that was wrong by walking in on my mother and saying why arent you peeing in the sink?? then i got a big long explination

still a sink pee person

I used to believe that if I ate pieces of bread it would soak up my pee and I wouldn't have to pee anymore.

Anna

I know a girl who seriously used to believe that boys peed out of their belly buttons. She was about 30 years old. Can we say gullible?

Jen