people

I used to believe that eveyone died in alphabetical order, especially after i would read the newspaper obituary collumn. Hence I always wished I could be called Mr Zebedee! I'm a funeral director now, so I pretty much realise this isn't true!

Brian

when i was about 7 my parents went to a funeral. i asked my mom how the person died. she told me that he threw up in his sleep and choked to death. i was terrified to sleep after this and for years everytime i felt sick to my stomach i was certain i wouldn't make it through the night.

Anon

When I was little, I heard my Dad say that someone would probably die at the weekend. I didn't know what a weekend was, so from then on, I assumed that the 'weekend' was when we were all going to die. I could never understand it when my mum would tell me that we were going to do something at the weekend, because I assumed we would all be dead. I believed this for years.

sue

I used to think that funeral homes fulfilled the same function as nursing homes, only they has a much less euphemistic name.

zusty

I was about 6 when my great-grandpa died, but wasn't allowed to go to the funeral. Somehow I came to the conclusion that they must be stringing up the corpse and making it dance around like a marionette. When I saw this happen with Mr. Burns on the Simpsons last year, I almost injured myself from laughing so hard.

Brian J. Wright

When my brothers and I used to play as kids and one of us got shot we would play dead with our arms out streached and our feet crossed. We grew up catholic and the only dead person we had ever seen was Jesus on the cross.

Donna

I used to believe that if you bled to death your body would be flat.

-G

My grandmother owned a nursing home when I was little. I spent a lot of time there when my mom was working. of course people died there now and then. They told me the angels came to get them. But all i ever saw was the ambulance pulling up out back. so for a long time I thought angels drove around in ambulances taking people away.

Pam

When i was eight my grandma died and to help me cope with it my mom told me that god took people with special talents or gifts up to heaven with him and the reason he took my grandma was because god thought it was time he learnt how to knit

shannon

My family went to visit my Grandparents and I knew the trip had something to do with my Great Uncle and a “wake.” I wasn’t sure what a wake was or what that meant, but I knew that we had to look nice and we were packing Sunday clothes. On the first night, the whole family got dressed up and went to a big party. All the relatives, neighbors and old friends were there also dressed up and they were smiling and talking. It was an open casket wake and when I finally spotted him lying there, I assumed he was asleep. I didn’t understand how he could sleep through all the noise, but I kept waiting for the part where he would wake up and we would all yell "Surprise~!!!"

akafab

I used to wonder when reading the obituary column how people always managed to die in alphabetical order.

diane

I didn't understand why the British national anthem was called "God Save The Queen" - so I asked my brother what the Queen needed to be saved from and he said that she was being chased by swarms of bees that lived in Buckingham Palace. That sounded plausible to me at the time...

Anon

i used to belive the saying "kicked the bucket" meant that if you kicked a bucket you would die, its no surprise i fear buckets still, shame im a window cleaner.

window steve

When I was younger, I played a lot of a videogame called Sonic the Hedgehog. When you died in the game Sonic flew up and fell down off of the stage.

So I was convinced that when a person dies, they bounce up 30 feet into the air and fall down through the earth and disappear. I was sure disappointed when I learned the truth!

Anon

After somebody died, my sister kept hearing talk about "the body"; The body being taken here, the body being laid out there, the body being taken to the church, the body being buried there, etc. After many days, she quietly asked, "Mommie, but what about the head?"

Lauren D.

When I was five I thought that if I touched a toadstool and licked my finger I would die. One day I decided I wanted to die so I did just this. I found a toadstool in the garden, touched it and licked my finger. Then I went to bed. My sister asked why I had gone to bed and I told her I was going to die.

Anon

I used to believe that the purpose of a "wake" when someone died was one last attempt at trying to wake them up from the deep sleep that they were in. It confused me because at my grandfather's wake everyone spoke quietly, how would talking quietly wake them up? I just figured that he was a light sleeper, then again I was wrong!

He's Only Sleeping

My Uncle Paul died when I was seven years old, and my Grammie asked my older brother to be a pallbearer.

Grammie died shortly after Uncle Paul, and my mother again asked my older brother to be a pallbearer. Upon hearing this I immediately corrected her, "No Mommy - Donald was a pallbearer the LAST time, when Uncle Paul died. Don't you want him to be a Grammie-bearer THIS time?"

Despite the grief of their mother's death, I don't think that I have ever seem my mother and my aunt laugh so hard!

David Bugea

When I was about 5, I as writing with a pencil and poked myself in the leg on accident. Well, I had heard about lead poisoning and knew lead was what was in pencils, so I thought I had lead poisoning and was about to die. So I started crying and kissed all my stuffed animals goodbye and reflected on my terribly short life.

Nikki

When I was little, I thought only certain people died, maybe only the bad ones. Playing in the park one day a little boy told me "everybody dies". I didn't believe him, so I punched him ran upstairs and cried.

jro