people

My dad told me a funeral home was a place where they put dead people on display. I misinterpereted it an thought that they put them up as museum exhibits. They would say things like "And this is Vinny Jackson, died in 1990 of a gunshot"

Anon

My grandpa died when I was very young, and I went with my mom and grandma to the funeral parlor. The funeral director asked my grandma if she wanted baby’s breath for the coffin. I thought this was some type of air supply that was being built into the coffin that would allow him to take very small breaths and part of me feared that we were burying him alive.

Anon

My mom named me after her beloved cat, Melissa, who was still alive when I was about 4. By then, I had already learned that when an animal was sick, you had to put it down. (we had already lost one of our dogs) Then, one night, when I had the flu, I came downstairs to get a glass of water, and I overheard my mom saying "Yeah, Melissa is so sick... I think I'm going to have to put her down." I was terrified, so I ran back upstairs and convinced myself that if I went right to bed, I would get better in the morning, and I wouldn't have to die.

Melissa the cat

When I was about four, I sometimes got tired around noon and would fall asleep on the couch. Then one day I had to go to my grandfather's funeral. He looked just like a sleeping person! After that, I was worried that if I took a nap on the couch, my mom would think that I died and bury me. I asked my dad to write a note that said "I'm still alive," and when I felt like a nap, I would tape it to my shirt so my mom would know I wasn't dead.

A.

When I was about 5, we went to the cemetary to visit my grandmother's grave. We passed a grave that someone had decorated with balloons, and I looked up at my mom and said (in all seriousness), "There must be a clown buried there."

Amy

i used to think that you wouldn't die until you had been EVERYWHERE in the world...so i used to always say to myself that i just wouldn't take that last step....otherwise i would drop dead

Little Miss Traveler

When I was little, I knew that when people died, you buried them. Therefore, it was only logical that when babies were 'born', you dug them up out of the ground! I don't know why I thought that...probably something to do with the whole 'ashes to ashes, dust to dust' phrase.

Clinton

I think I was about five or six, but I developed this fascination with burping, sneezing, hiccupping, etc., and came up with the idea that if you did several such things at the same time, you would instantly die. I was sure that my dad knew the answer, but I couldn't just ask him straight out. I would say, "What would happen if you cough, sneeze, fart, burp, and hiccup at the same time?" I would be dissappointed when his answer didn't involve death. So I would re-phrase the question, (e.g. sneeze, hiccup, burp, cough, and fart), to try to ascertain the correct order. I was sure some combination would be lethal.

Anon

My brother used to tell me that when you got very old you didnt die, you just blow up like a bomb! That is why old people moved so slowly,so they would'nt explode he said. this made me scared to stay at grandma's house for fear that her or grandpa could fall or something and blow us all to heaven and i would have to get new angel friends and stuff and go to church everyday. So every time i went to grandma's house i'd get as faraway from her as i could......

funonthrun

After my grandmother died, my parents kept telling me that we would always have a part of Grandma with us. On the car ride back from the funeral, there was a bag on the seat beside me. When I touch it, it was squishy, just as I imagined a liver or a heart would feel. Was it true that we were taking home an actual part of Grandma? I was petrified of that bag for the entire trip home. It turned out to be pound cake.

Silly girl

Hadn't seen my grandfather for some months after moving to England from Scotland. The first time we returned, my mother broke it gently to me during the drive that he was dead. "Who shot him?" I demanded, ready to avenge him. The only death I'd ever encountered as a kid of six or seven was in cowboy movies. Neil

neilmarr

When I was around six I was told the joke:
Where do hamsters go when they die?
To Hamsterdam.

I took this literally and later asked my parents where Hamsterdam, being told that it was in Holland I thought that this was heaven and everyone went there when they died. At my grandfarthers funeral I told my grandma
"Don't worry, Grandad is in Holland now."

Janine

My grandfather had been a gardener all his life and after he retired he taught me a great deal about gardening; tomatoe seed goes in, tomatoe plant comes out. Rose seeds go in, rose bushes come out. I thought it was a miracle.
He died when I was 8 and when they buried him I was mortally afraid that in a few months time, there would be a 'gradfather tree' on the cemetary, with copies of grandpa on the braches.

Anon

When I was in 1st grade I heard the word "Viagra" for the first time. Later that day, my dad was talking about what must have been a heart surgery. I made a connection between the two and decided that a Viagra was a surgery that every man had to get when he turned 50. This surgery involved going into his belly and removing the Viagra vein. Every man had to get this or else he would die.

Shortly after, a boy at school was making fun of me for being a girl. Triumphantly, I told him, "At least I don't have to get a Viagra!" Confused, he asked me to explain. When I told him about the Viagra every boy has to get when he's 50 or else he'll die, he was horrified. He ran to tell his friends and soon most of the boys I knew were buzzing with fear at the idea of some day having to get a Viagra.

Still makes me giggle!

Alou D.

on grave stones when it said "R.I.P." i always thought that was their name. when i saw it on a lot of graves i thought, "wow a lot of people name their kids R.I.P."

michelle

I used to believe that George Washington died and turned into a bridge.

lara dean

until I was thirteen I used to believe that "homocide" was two homosexuals killing eachother.

Anon

I used to think that people died in real life when characters in movies or tv perished. So naturally I assumed that all acting roles that required the death of the character were played by death row inmates and the suicidal.

malcolm

I used to believe that when you had a cousin twice-removed, they had died and came back to life twice.

Amanda

My brother told me that if I breathed while driving past a cemetery I would die. So for years and years I would hold my breath. My dad thought it was funny to slow down and drive really slow past big cemeteries just to see me squirm. It became such a habit that it took me years to stop doing it as I would do it subconsciously.

Mama