speaking

When I was about 11, I heard or saw the phrase "jerk off" somewhere. I didn't know what it really meant, so I deducted that it meant to fool around or goof off. So my older cousin took me to the mall one day, and I at the time hated shopping, so I said to her, loudly, "Let's go jerk off in the arcade!!"
Yeah, it was pretty shortly that I learned what "jerk off" really meant. I cringe now thinking of how many times I said that without knowing that I was suggested that me and my friends go masturbate.

Kat

I used to think veternarians and vegetarians were the same thing. In my mind, veternarians didn't eat meat because they loved animals. It seemed logical at the time.

Anon

For years I heard the word "ostentatious" and thought it was some dialectical pronunciation of "Austin, Texas".

Penelope

I told everyone at work, that "Ireland" was really supposed to be "Ourland", because with the Irish accent, it just sounds like "Ireland". They believed it.

Anon

When I was 8 years old we had a really hot summer (I lived in Oklahoma), and I walked home from school and I thought I was having a stroke. I was just dehydrated. Anyway, I started drinking water really fast. My brother walked over to me and said "Careful, you'll hydrate yourself."
Until about two months ago (I'm 19), I thought hydrating yourself meant killing yourself.

Rob

When I was little my dad used to travel to Hong Kong a lot for his job, and for the longest time I thought it was pronounced "Honk Honk" because it was a large city with a lot of traffic.

Emily

For years I heard the word "pedophile" and thought it meant a pedicurist's tool.

Lauren

I used to believe that "testicles" and "intestines" were the same thing. So once when my dad had me pinned down with his leg so he could tickle my feet, I started to scream, "Move your leg you're squishing my testicles!"

Oh ya, I'm female, and yes my parents STILL laugh about that day.

Shel

I used to think that 'the pulitzer prize' was actually, "Pull It - Surprise!" -- Like, you pull a rope and something might fall on you...

Anon

When my children were growing up we were very close with another family and often our visits would last past regular bedtime. On occasion the visit would turn into a sleep over. One night the other family was getting ready to leave but as usual the other mother and I lingered, still chatting at the door. My oldest daughter and her's repeatedly interupted asking for a sleep over. Again and again they were told no but they kept asking. Finally I turned and said "read my lips, the answer is no" to which my daughter burst out crying "But I can't read!"

little b

When I was about 7 I stayed with my grandparents for the summer. They kept talking about how they were going to "win a bagel". I just didn't understand why they were going to win a bagel. I later learned they were going to buy a camper, a Winnebago!

Dawn

When I was little I used to believe that after jail you would be sent to Peru because I thought they were saying fifteen years with "Peru." So when I watched crime shows and said fifteen years with parole, it meant fifteen years then sent to Peru.

Ky Main

When I was little, when people spoke of going to the nearby town of Cedar Rapids (Iowa), I thought they were saying they were going to "See the rabbits." I asked my mom if we could go see the rabbits sometime. When she finally comprehended what I was talking about, she set me straight. I was disappointed, my vision of a vibrant rabbit community dispelled.

Kaye

When I was little, I got the words "cannibal" and "barbarian" confused. My mom joked that my uncle "ate like a barbarian" once and for almost a year I was terrified of him because i thought he ate people.

Anon

When I was little I expected every word had an abbreviated version i.e. hamburger to burger, etc. I made my parents drop to the floor laughing when I was 7, asking them "Don't only old people live in condoms?" I thought I was talking about condominiums.

jDub

I thought adultery was when you acted too much like an adult as a kid and wondered whats so bad about that?

Butch McFear

I thought when someone was described as being "mild-mannered" it meant they didn't have very good manners

Samilton Duerheiser

When I first heard someone described as a "household name," I figured it must mean that they have a mop or blender of some other household appliance named after them. Like a Dinah Shore toaster or a Johnny Cash stove.

Sherry

I used to believe that a germaphobe was a "germanphobe", someone who is scared of Germans. I overheard a conversation between my mom and someone on the phone and she said "germaphobe". I would wonder why someone would be scared of Germans, maybe because of their accent or something. I dunno

Anon

I used to think people were called "human beans".

Dave