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top belief!
When I first heard about guardian angels, I misunderstood the concept and didn't realize that they were supposed to protect us, but rather I believed they would report to God about all the bad things we had done that day. I thought that the angels followed us around every day with pads of paper, noting our sins, and at night when we slept the angels flew off to God and ratted us out.
I used to believe that God was like a puppeteer, controlling every single movement we made.
When I was about eight I read a book about mysteries which detailed how people got possessed by Satan. I then believed that because I'd read it I was an ideal candidate for possession. What kind of child thinks that?
top belief!
During a trip with a stop in Trail, British Columbia,we went to the MacDonald's for a bite.My mother took me to the adjoining playground,where there were statues of the MacDonald's characters.The statue of Grimace seemed very large to my child's eyes, and the expression on his face seemed loving and forgiving.Having always heard that God is loving and forgiving,I decided that He must look like Grimace.I couldn't shake this belief even when I was very much old enough to know better.
top belief!
One time in Sunday School, my teacher told me that Jesus was always with us. I asked if he lived down the street from me then, and the teacher answered, "Yes of course, he is everywhere." When I went home that night I confused the crap out of my parents when I kept on wanting to go to the neighbors house to see Jesus.
When I was about 3 I was made to attend Sunday school, believing it to be a mandatory part of the national curriculum. There was a man who came in and played hymns on a guitar and because he had long hair and wore sandals I deduced that he must be Jesus and he was previewing some of his new hymns. When I told my religious mother that I saw Jesus at Sunday school she said that this was something very good. When I told my atheist Dad that Jesus had been coming in and playing the guitar he told me that it wasn't Jesus but Brian who lived in Redbourn Lane. This shattered my belief in Christianity.
When I was little, my neighbor told me that God was powerful enough to change me from a girl to a boy overnight. That totally scared me. After that, for a couple of years I used to wake up to check and see if I was changed into a boy. I resented God even though that never happened!
top belief!
When I was about 3 or 4 I used to be petrified of the vacuum cleaner ... I used to believe it was God.
How embarrassing that sounds now ...
top belief!
When i was about 5 and a teacher aked me what Jesus did at Easter, I told them he put the crosses on the hot cross buns in the hot cross bun factory
top belief!
When I was really young the Bee Gee's were HUGE. After seeing Andy Gibb in a video, complete with long hair and beard, I thought he was Jesus. I asked my mom if he was Jesus and she vehemently insisted he wasn't. I didn't beleive my mom cause I always thought Jesus was cool and if he wanted to be in a musical group he could be.
top belief!
When I was 3 or 4, I learned in Sunday School that God is the Father. I took this literally and belived that God was my father, being too young to understand the theological implications of such a thing. Once I got upset with my "earth Dad" and told him that he wasn't my real Daddy. I'd imagine that it sparked an interesting conversation between my parents until they figured out I was just confused rather than alerting him to Mom's infidelity with another man.
I was 3 or 4 at the time of the Manson killings, and since the followers of the psycho insisted that he was Jesus, or the son of God, I thought Jesus was some killer psycho. It didn't help that there was some backlash against "Jesus Freaks", either.
top belief!
My friend told me that when she was about four she was looking at a picture of her cousin. She asked who he was, and her mother told her it was her cousin Rob. She heard 'cousin God'. For years she thought God was her teenaged cousin.
top belief!
When I was a little girl, my parents told me that God could see and hear everything. From then on, I had this picture of God as a giant man who was completely covered in eyes - even the bottoms of his feet.
top belief!
At age 9, I used to believe that there were only three religions in the whole world: Catholic, Jewish, and Satanist. My best friend was Jewish, and one day I asked her about the Jewish faith. She leapt into the subject with much enthusiasm. She said that Moses and the Israelites were forced out of Egypt by the not-Jewish pharaoh. She described this in gory detail, gleefuly recounting rather more deaths then there were people. I asked her whether the pharaoh and other Egyptians were Satanist, to which she said no. Therefore, I reasoned that Catholics had driven Moses out of Egypt.
And that, my friends, is how I decided that devil-worship was not as bad as those cruel, awful Egyptian Catholics made out. (I was only disabused of this notion in the 5th grade.)
One day many years ago as my 2 year old daughter laid her head on my chest, she popped up and said, "Mommy I can hear Jesus knocking on the door of you heart!" She was actually hearing my hear beating.
When I was about 3 or so, I was sitting in a waiting room with my sister while my mother was seeing the doctor. Two nuns walked in, and the taller one said she was a sister, while the shorter one said she was the mother superior. I promptly informed them that it should be the other way around--the mother should be taller than the sister!
When I was a kid I used to think God looked like the salt and shake man(crisps that you put your own salt on); in a little blue packet with a big smiley face on it...
top belief!
When I was little, I thought I had met Jesus. After church on Sunday, the pastor would stand outside the door and shake hands with everyone as they left church. One day Jesus was there right next to the pastor and everyone was shaking hands with him, too. I thought it was pretty special that he was visiting our church. It was like meeting a celebrity. One day when I was in my 20's, something made me remember it. I couldn't have met Jesus! Did I dream it? I asked my parents and my brother if they remembered that day. They laughed and remembered the day the odd transient man walked up and got in the reception line after church. All the nice folks just went ahead and shook hands with him also and he seemed to really be enjoying it. Nobody knew that I thought he was Jesus. Hmmm...
When at a restaurant once my mom told me that the owner of the place was our "host". Now when in church we sang a hymn with the line "Praise Him above ye heavenly host". So I got the idea that the Heavenly Host was a kind of divine restaurateur who was an important person but outranked by God. Questions like where he lived, how he fit into Christian doctrine, and what kind of food he served didn't occur to me.
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