characters

We used to drive past a cake shop that had a sign saying "God" and in smaller letters, "Have an affair with a caterer". It really puzzled me that God would say adultery was wrong and then make an exception for caterers, but I reasoned that He must really like cakes.

Much later, I realised the "God" was the street number of the shop: "600".

Mel

I used to believe that if you picked up the phone and dialed 999-9999, you would reach Satan. I think I heard this from my brother, joking at some point. When I finally got the nerve to try calling, it didn't connect to anyone, so I assumed God had cut off his phone.

Anon

My Grandmother used to tell me that the angels were watching me fom "up there" and she would point upwards. For years I thought there were tiny angels living on the curtain rods.

H.B.

I used to believe that god was the newscaster.

belle

When I was a kid I used to believe that Jesus had no penis (!) since someone of that kind of divinity couldn't be disgraced with having such a 'dirty' part of body. Then, when on religion lession I heard about circumcision of Jesus (I already knew what that meant) I simply stood up and exclaimed: "What do you mean, it couldn't be done on him, how can you even think about Jesus having... that?" to the laughter of whole class, man what an idiot I was!

Sexy Pony

When I heard that "Jesus is a part of us" I thought that a part of our body was actually Jesus'. I though I had Jesus' eye.

Jacob

When I was little I attended sunday school regularly, so I knew God sat in heaven and Jesus sat at his right hand. Wile trying to figure out how Santa, just as great as the above mentioned fit into the mix, I decided he must have sat at Gods left hand.

Amanda

I used to think God was actually called Peter, because at church, we all used to say 'Thanks Peter God'.....when really, its thanks BE to God!

Anon

I used to have an irrational fear of devils and Hell and death. I was terrified of the color red, thinking it would open some portal into Hell. (For example, I had a red nightstand in my room, and I couldn't look at it at night, thinking it would summon the devil.) When we moved to Florida, the song "Devil Went Down to Georgia" was popular, and I was sure he'd come get me. I prayed several times a night and wouldn't move my lips for fear the devil was watching and would read my lips and harm the people I was asking God to bless. My Dad then told me that the devil can look like anyone -- he can take on the shape of anyone or anything you know. The only way to tell that it's the devil is that one part of his body would be an animal's (i.e., he'd look exactly like my dad, but have one hoof). Until I was 12 or so, I scrutinized everyone I saw -- looking for animal parts -- fearful they were the devil in disguise, coming to kill me. I was a nervous child.

Siobhan

I used to believe that the Bible was written by Moses, with God whispering everything in his ear, in English.

Jj

When I was much younger, my vision of Allah, or God, was like the scarecrow from The Wizard of Oz. I still can't help but imagine that when I die, I'm going to be in the cornfield of the sky.

Tanya

I was raised in a non-religious household, so my ideas about got and religion were pretty sketchy. I knew that OTHER people knew this God guy, and that they talked to him and everything because I had seen people praying and preaching and all. Until I was about 8 I believed that God existed, but he just didn't know about me. Like I was flying under his radar or something. I mean, he hadn't been talking to me like he talked to other people! Every now and then I'd consider sitting down and introducing myself to God, just so he'd know I was there. But then I'd get nervous that he would be mad at me for not introducing myself earlier. So I just kept putting it off...

Melissa

I thought that the star that Mary and Joseph followed was called Yonder, as in 'following Yonder star."

Kairow

After many years as a kid I realized the "Creature" next door was really the preacher next door.

...sever disappointment ensued.

Dan W.

I thought that the animals went in two by two for company. I thought Noah was concerned about them getting lonely so invited two of each kind along. It was only recently at the age of 25 that someone pointed out to me the real reason.

Anon

When I was about five or six, I saw an episode of 'Unsolved mysteries' (Don't ask me why a six-year-old would watch something like that.) In it, was an episode about this church in Pennsylvania that had a statue of the Crucifix that would drip random tears of blood. After watching that, for the next few months, I thought that a naked, crying statue of Jesus was running around my bedroom window at night and stalking me. I was absolutely terrified .

Chris

I used to believe that three sheep dogs named Shirley, Gooodness, and Mercy would "follow me all the days of my life" while I dwelled "in the house of the Lord, forever." After all, "The Lord is my shepherd..."

Carrie

I used to believe that God was Zordon from the power rangers.... heh

Dawnie

I used to think virgin mary was actually 'virginia mary'

Anon

I used to believe gay was a religion. One time at the beach when I was 5, my older cousin called me gay. I was confused, never having heard the word before, and responded, "I'm not gay. I'm Christian."

Jack