church

In my home town there is a church called Our Lady Of Assumption Catholic Church. As a child I clearly remember struggling to try to figure out the meaning of that name. Back then I was in an early stage of grappling with learning the English language, in which big words differing only by a prefix all ran together. Then, if I could speak of someone living in a "compartment house", of shopping at an "appartment store", or of items kept in one's car's "glove department", I could have counted myself lucky to come that close to getting it right, and to be basically understood, albeit with some chuckles. As for "assumption", that pretty much ran together with "consumption" for me, and the main meaning I'd heard of for "consumption" back then was tuberculosis. So I got the idea that that church was named for some unfortunate woman with tuberculosis. To this very day, thinking of that church reminds me of that poor tuberculosis victim and I have to catch myself and correct my perception. I guess I'm lucky that my first encounter with the word "comsumption" (while it would still run together with "assumption") was not in regard to consumption of alcoholic beverages. If it had been that, I might be fighting off to this day a perception that that church's namesake were a woman anywhere from a bit tipsy to out and out drunk!

Janice

When I was not yet tall enough to see over the people in front of me at church, I used to believe that it was God actually giving mass into a loudspeaker. When I eventually grew taller, I thought our preist was God's substitue, because he had to be at other churches on Sunday.

Holly A.

I grew up Catholic. At one mass, when the collection plate came around, I turned and asked my parents (very loudly) why everybody was throwing their money in the trash can. As I continued to demand an answer, I couldn't understand why they seemed so mad at me and kept telling me to be quiet-I just wanted to know.

silverbell04

Until four days ago I thought that priests just lived in the church, and had no houses. I'm 15.
My mom will never let me live that down, I just know...

Anon

Well-actually this was in my synnaguge. I was about 5 or 6 and there were these stained glass windows on the walls featuring the Jewish holidays and the twelve tribes of Israel. Well there was the one of Joseph-which is represented by a tree, and because the tree had sphere shaped fruit of green, pink and purple (dispite not being an evergreen) I concluded that it was a Christmas tree. So I happily shouted "Mommy, Christmas tree!" and she told me to shush.

I still find this to be delightfully funny.

Glowworm

When I was a little kid I though that the idea of hell was very satisfying, I legitimately wanted to go to hell. Actually, I was so obsessed with Satan and hell that I would draw pictures of hell, and listen to slayer. I look back at my weird self and laugh, but in all actuality, a kid who is a satanist is pretty rad.

Anon

Through a mental confusion of the Catholic ritual of Ash Wednesday and the bit about "Ashes to ashes, dust to dust," as a kid I thought that the first time the priest smeared those ashes on my forehead, I was gonna die.

Sean

My cousin Chris wanted to be a priest because he thought that all the money gathered in the collection plate was his to keep.

Benathonius

After Sunday School, we would attend "regular" church. The preacher would pass the collection plate for "God's Work." I always believed that our preacher went up to heaven every Sunday afternoon to give the money to God.

Kay Verdin

I used to belive we were thanking God for being so quick to answer our prayers when the congregation said "thanks be to god", becuase I said "thanks speedy god"

Beth

I grew up in a pretty strict Lutheran church, and I sincerely believed that if I took communion when I was in any way spiritually unprepared, that I would be immediately shot straight through the floor down into hell to burn for all eternity. Right there, on the spot. No second chances. Only a pile of clothes and shoes would remain.

The fact that I had never observed this phenomenon didn't diminish my conviction that it was guaranteed to happen to me.

I never signed up for confirmation/first communion because I figured I wasn't stupid enough to play Russian Roulette with my immortal soul.

I still hold my breath at other people's kids' First Communions.

Anon

I used to believe that God used the wind to talk to me: if the wind was blowing on me He was approving of what I was thinking, and a sudden lull in the wind was His signal for me to abandon whatever I was thinking about and start something new. At some point I stopped believing, but I'll probably never get rid of the "oh no" reflex that I get whenever I'm out walking and the wind dies down.

Soap

when people in church shook hands saying "peace be with you", i thought it was "pleased to meet you"!still very friendly person today..

silly sarah

I used to believe the angels were in the speakers at church because of the loud female voice singing.

Anon

i used to believe nuns were married to jesus and priests were married to mary.

sunshine

When I was younger my mother told me that Jesus would apper at mass, or so I believed. I was so dissapointed to find out that Jesus didn't show up. Mother told me he couldn't make it.

m0u5y

That those names and numbers up in front of the church alter ie:(John 3:16)were of people that had recently died at that time of the day!

Pam

In church when I was little the priest always used to say "hym and hym and hym" I always thought he was talking about some guys so I would stand up and look around for 3 guys at the alter I only saw one guy (the priest) after my mom told me to sit down I would always say "Mom we really need to see the eye doctor..."

Morgan

As a protestant growing up in a catholic school, I was not used to certain catholic customs, such a recieving first communion around the age of about 8 or 9, (second grade). While not participating, I was required to attend my classmate's communion. When I saw them walk down to the front in white dresses and little suits, I thought the school was forcing my classmates to marry each other! I had belived this until I asked my teacher why they did this. She set me straight.

Anon

When I was in kindergarten a priest came around on Ash Wednesday to put ashes on our heads. All I got out of his talk beforehand was that after he put the ashes on my head I was going to die in 40 days. I remember holding back the tears & wanting my mom.

Nancy L