church

When I was small I didn't know the difference between the words 'protestant' and 'prostitute', and thought they meant the same thing- needless to say I caused my mother alot of embarrassment one day when walking past a church.

Ellie

I used to believe in church that when the pastor prayed and everyone would close their eyes Jesus would appear. Of course I would try and peek really fast in hopes of catching him on stage or something. I still haven't seen him. I guess everyone just won't close their eyes! ;-)

Anon

every sunday wen i was a little kid my parents made me go to church and we would sit in the front pew. from the front pew u got a full veiw of the alter and there were some rocks placed next to this saying carved into the wall. i used to believe that jesus's body was underneath them and i thot our church was very special because we got to keep jesus's body.


i never paid attention in church

mandy

When they used to do the whole collection thing at church I didn't understand that the money went towards the church, I thought the people taking up the collection were tricking everyone into putting the money in the basket and then they'd keep it so they'd be rich.

K.R.

When I was in first grade at St. Mary's Catholic School, we were preparing to make our First Holy Communion. During the many practices, the Nuns would give us a chocolate Necco Wafer (candy) to represent the Host. After the big day finally arrived and the ceremony was over, my family asked me how I felt now that I had received the Lord. I was upset and couldn't understand why he wasn't chocolate!

Debbie

After drinking the wine, our priest would kneel below the altar as usual. When I was five, I thought that the priest was "disappearing" under the table to spit the wine out because it tastes fuckin' horrible.
I also thought that the wine which is constantly spat everyday would help to deteriorate the church, and that this was the true meaning of christianity.

Christian Jiang

When I was in elementary school nuns cam to our school. I thought that 'nun' meant they had no religion.

Anon

when i was about 12 or 13 my parents out of the blue decided that I had better start going to sunday school.

the friday before I had a Physics lesson at school where we were taught about gravity and did experiments on floating objects - anyway the following Sunday my sunday school lesson was about the miracle of Jesus walking on water to which i started up a scientific discussion about how impossible this would be and how it was all a lie - I then proceeded to go through all of the miracles and denoucing them with my new found scientific knowledge - the teacher had to send all of the other children out of the class so they didn't have to listen to the voice of a non believer and the priest was called out of service to telephone my mum so she could come and get me - there you would think the embarrasment ended but no to my horror my rather firey mother turned up in the front of the church where she proceed to hurl abuse at various members of the congregation, who had come out to see the spectacle, and defended my arguments with the priest down to the last.

I never went back and shortly after that my family moved to another parish !

steph

At Catholic grade school in Chicago we used school time to prepare for our First Holy Communion. During this time, my best friend was sitting out on most of the activities, like confession, etc. When asked, she replied she was "Greek Orthodox". I knew she was Greek but had no idea a country could have their own religion. Why wasn't my family "Irish Orthodox"? Then a revelation...my family was actually Italian but didn't know it. We were "Roman Catholic" after all.

anon

when i was little i went to a church with pastors. one of them was pastor mike, but everyone just called him pastor, i thought his first name was pastor and his middle name was mike.

michelle

When I first started going to church with my mother, I was too short to see over the seats in front of me to the altar. When the mass started, I couldn't tell where the voice was coming from! I honestly thought it was the voice of God speaking to us from the loudspeakers on the walls. I thought it was funny that God sounded a lot like Father Joyce....

Jess

I used to believe that the catholic church I attended was very special to the pope. It was one of the only churches that were given permission to feed the congregation "the body of christ","the blood of christ" on Sundays. It's TRUE, and as you know the're very little Jesus to go around.

Venus

When me and my brother were little we used to want to go to midnight mass on christmas eve whereas my mum could never be bothered so to try to stop us she told us that "if we went to midnight mass then santa wont come here" that made up my mind quickly enough..santa was better than church any day

Anon

I used to get confused with the indians out of the cowboy & indian films and Jesus Christ in the religious films. I though Jesus and the indians were the baddies because Jesus must have been bad to have all the town against him and he was crucified. There was a cupboard that the priest was opening during service and in the moment of silence I asked my mother in a foghorn voice "Is that Jesus's Jail?"

Scaussie

When I was younger, I went to Catholic church with my parents... and anyone who's been to as many Catholic masses as I have remembers how at the end of the mass when the priest says, "Go in peace to love and serve the Lord," we respond, "thanks be to God".

Well, when I was little, I used to think that we were saying "thanks speedy God." It made a lot more sense to me at the time... and everything I knew about God at the time fell right in line with him being speedy.

Sarah

When I was small, I thought that the reason that girls had to wear skirts in church was so that God could check and see if we were wearing clean underwear. I thought he checked the boys in the bathroom, cause boys could go without underwear but girls couldn't. They were always talking in church about how he was watching us all the time!

C Ratliff

In my hometown, we had one Jewish temple. I was riding my bike around town one day when a dog started chasing me. I rode home as fast as I could and told my dad about it. He asked me where the dog was, and I told him it was by the Sherriff's station (which was over 2 miles away). I later learned that just because there's a big star on the front of a building doesn't make it a police station.

Josh

I remember going to church and hearing that lamb of god thing and thinking it was written about Gods pet sheep.

mare-bear

when i was 5 i used to believe that church was actually on the clouds and the clouds were all bouncy and i would tell my parent of how wen i go to church that i would do all this crazy stuff on the clouds..

Keifer

I used to believe that an egg would magically appear in one of the special little gold boxes at the front of the (Catholic) church I went to. It was supposed to be like magic. But then I started to wonder if the priest just put it in there when no one was looking.

Anon