giving birth

My friend Geoffry told me that babies were born by the man putting his willy inside the woman. The baby would then grab hold with both hands and be pulled out. I have never been so disgusted.

Steph

When I was little, I always heard the phrase "babies come from mothers' tummies"- I took this to mean that the baby grew in the stomach. And I always thought that in order to be born, babies needed to come out of the mothers mouths- after all, how on earth could they come out between the legs? I had quite the horrible mental image of ladies with babies coming out of their mouths.

Erin

When my mom was pregnant with my younger brother, I went through her day planner calendar, drawing festive little pictures for each holiday.

For Labor Day, I drew a picture of a pregnant lady lying on a hospital bed. I knew the "giving birth" sense of the word, but not the more general "hard work" sense of it.

Everyone thought that was very amusing.

k

until about the age of ten, i was never completely sure how babies were born. i finally settled on the explanation that since babies grew in your stomach, then they must come out of your stomach. literally- i thought your stomach opened, starting with the belly button, for the baby to come out. so when my mom told me the reason for my dad's hospital visit was a hole in his stomach (i think it was an ulcer) i asked with great surprise, "Is he pregnant?"

Anon

Because of Dennis the Menace (the movie) I really thought that babies were born through your belly button. Everytime I watched the movie I felt proud and happy because I had a big belly button. Biggest of the family, as a matter of fact. I would always say proudly "Boy, my baby is practicly going to FALL out!"

...Now I know

I used to believe that when a woman had a baby the doctor had to use the needle from a safety pin to poke holes in her nipples in order for her to breast feed the new baby.

Bolivia

i seriosly used to belive that the babys would just pop out of the ground and you would pick them up and be like "i love you" and then they would look like you...:\

xgreendayx

When I was a kid I use to think that the color of the blanket (Blue or pink) that the doctor wrapped the baby in determined the sex.

Stacy

At an early age - 4 - I knew babies came from inside the mother. How they got out was a puzzle. I finally decided moms must have a zipper in their sides for this.

Some years later, I realized that was silly, and concluded there was only one logical place of exit...the butt.

Not until I was about 13 or so did I learn the truth in a school hygiene class. I still think zippers would be easier ;)

Anonymous

When my sister was born (I was 4) I believed that both my parents were breast feeding her. My mother gave milk and my father - tea.

Amara

When I was little girl, I overhead family members discussing childbirth - how long the labour was, how much pain the woman had, etc. - and I thought I had figured out why the woman had pain: the baby was biting its way out through her body. OUCH!!

Joan Muir

When very young I asked my mother "If a baby is in a womans tummy, does it come out of her mouth?" She said "no the other end". After a short pause I asked "Well how do you get your feet back on then?"

col22

When my daughter was about 3 or 4 we watched a labor and delivery show on tv. As she watched the woman scream and push she asked why she was trying to use the bathroom on the table..After stiffling a laugh I explained that the woman was not using the bathroom but pushing out a baby. My daughter gasped and "oh my god she ate a baby!"

JF

I must have overheard my mother talking about how babies come from your vagina, because I proudly informed my kindergarten class about how babies come from "China".

Jen

I had a friend explain to me in the first grade that when a mom gives birth it is actually a surgery that removes the baby from the mommy by cutting off the mommy's head and pulling the baby out of her neck. And then her head is glued back together. Did I mention my friend is an only child?

anon

High school field trip to the zoo. Whale with a HUGE erection. Crystal kept screaming "look, look, it's having a baby". We were all to embarassed to explain it to her. It was pretty funny.

I don't think so.

My grandmother believed that you gave birth thru your belly button - not an uncommon belief you might think - however she was thirty and pregnant ! she would put a band aid over her belly button in the bath so water wouldnt get in and harm the baby, boy did she get a shock when she gave birth.

Caroline

I used to think that when a baby was born and the doctor slapped the baby, he was doing that to stop all the nurses in the room from chit chating so that he could make an announcement about the baby's gender . You know like an MC 'tings' a wineglass at a wedding or party so that people stop talking for him give a toast.

Little Miss Heard

When I was little, a friend of my parents gave birth to twins, and although I already knew (sort of) about sex and pregnancy I didn't understand why she would give birth to 2 children at a time. Another kid explained to me that the longer you have sex, the more children you'll get. This kept me worried for years, as no one had ever told me after how many minutes I'd have to stop having sex to get only one child, and I envisioned myself getting much too many children at a time... Until finally I found out that reality was actually a bit different... phew!

lara

Well, I always knew what sex was, I don't remember when I learned it. I was about 5 and had a friend about 3-4 years older than me, our parents used to take us walking in the park. I knew when a baby was born it was coming out from the bottom and I knew we had 2 holes, I just had no idea from which hole it was coming out. (I knew about the uterus, sperm and all that, I was just confused about the location.) So our parents left us to play, then I got thirsty and went to see my moms friend, I asked her "What side do the babies come out from?"- meaning butt or vagina. She miss understood, and thought I asked how the baby comes out (by the head or legs). When she said "they come out of the head". I ran SCREAMING and CRYING across the park "I don't want to be pregnant, I don't want my head to explode!!!!" and I was running around for about 5 minutes until my mother caught up with me and calmed me down and explained to me. The other parents in the parc were shocked!!!

Anon