rude bits

When I was little, I misunderstood the word 'testicles' for 'tonsils'. So, ever since my sex ed class in grade four, I would stare in shock at anybody that claimed that they had their tonsils removed.

Ashamed

I used to think that the number of breasts that a woman had equaled the number of children she would have. Since I only have one brother, my mom had two boobs. When a girl in my kindergarten class announced that her mom just had her sixth baby, I just sat and stared in confusion.

Anon

I used to believe that if you saw a naked lady you would turn to stone like one of those statues. The fear was compounded when I viewed a page out of my father's Playboy magazine and I felt something start to get hard!

Doriander

My family was at Walmart one day in October-and I found a pair of Halloween Boxers and there was a "pocket" in them.

"aw how cute! "I announced to my mother- petting the "pocket" "It can hold a treat!"

Oh god-my poor mother-I was in 10th grade!

Can a penis be a treat?

glowworm

When I was a youngster, I learned about circumcision in such a way that I believed it was reserved for Jewish people. Later, at a friends house, I saw an image in a foreign porno mag of a man who was missing the head of his penis (I don't know why, I couldn't read the text).

This lead me to believe that Jewish men were all missing the head of their penes, and that's what circumcision was.

Here's the worst part:

This stayed with me until I was 23! It was very embarassing when I mentioned to a girlfriend that I couldn't imagine having a circumsized penis, and she had to tell me that I was very silly because I was circumsized. I was lucky that she thought it was so rediculous, that I must have been joking.

I had to look it up later to find out why it was funny.

Thought I was whole...

when i was a child and i heard that penis's had heads on them i envisioned an actual little head on top of a penis!! i was mortified!!

the man who sat on elvis's knee

My brother and sister are two years apart, my sister being eldest.
When my brother was being potty-trained, he could not understand why my sister had a much easier time of it.
one of these times [which they are teased mercilessly for] my sister patted my brother on the back and assured him.
"Don't worry, it'll fall off someday. Mine did!"

Smart Sibling

I grew up a tomboy, surrounded by mostly guy friends. One day in middle school, I got hit in the crotch by something and I exclaimed, "Ow! Right in the nuts!" My mom had to explain to me (after she stopped laughing and could breathe again) that I didn't HAVE nuts.

Allegra

Until he was a bloomin' nine year old, my cousin believed that his penis would fall off one day. So, thinking he was hilarious, my uncle, during a family party, dropped a chicken sausage (the cocktail type) on the pretty clean floor, and went, "Oh my God! (Inserts cousin's name), that's your dick, ain't it?" My cousin instantly burst out crying, as my uncle casually picked up the sausage and ate it.

He's 12 now, and I think he's still afraid of losing an important part of the male anatomy, since he takes only a minute (literally) to enter the toilet, pee, wash his hands and exit.

Liz

Until I was 9, I was absolutely convinced that I had a penis [I'm a girl]. Now, I had seen naked babies before, so I knew that mine wasn't in my crotch. I thought I had a secret, hidden penis somewhere, and if I could just find it I'd be able to play with the boys and not be laughed at.
I could never understand why people would laugh so hard when I told them that I DID have a penis, I just lost it and needed to find it again! After all, they were girls and so had secret penises, too- they obviously just weren't looking hard enough!

Anon

When I asked my mother if I would have more siblings, she explained that my father had an operation so she wouldn't get pregnant anymore. I assumed she had his penis cut off.

Jeff

When i was little, I did not understand the concept of puberty, so I thought a girl's breasts would grow overnight. I was a modest child, so one day i said to my mother, "Mommy, will you promise me that you won't clap when my boobs grow?"

Anon

My voice used to be kind of deep for a girl, I'm something of a tomboy, and I've always had swimmer's shoulders, so I started to suspect that the doctor had made a mistake and that I was secretly a boy.

I eventually asked my mother how she knew I wasn't a boy. She wouldn't elaborate any more than, "I just know," so I remained suspicious for quite some time.

RD

I was reading one of my Mum's magazines when I was about 7 and I read a bit about the clitoris.
I of course had no idea what it was at the time. It said that it was the only part of the human body solely there for pleasure and that stroking it brought LOTS of pleasure.
Because it also said it was located near the lips, I concluded that it must be the little dent above the mouth and used to sit stroking it, and was very disappointed when I didn't feel anything!

(PS, Sorry if this is a little too close to the line, there's no offence intended!)

Rosa the Floor Cat

My devious, corrupt friends and I asked a boy in front of us if he knew what the clitoris was. At first he thought we were joking, and when we wouldn't tell him what it was, he got angry and cried out, "It's not a word, is it?!" He then proceeded to ask the teacher, who gave him a vague technical definition. Still confused, he went to search for it on a map of the United States.

Mind you, this kid was a junior in high school.

Fruit on the Bottom

When I was a small child, my brother told me girls were girls because a ninja came when they were just born and chopped off their "weenies".

Meganne

When I was young my mom made up different words for many things in my life. I was told that girls had mooneys and boys had nooneys. I remember going to school and somehow it came into conversation with my friends about mooneys. I was quite surprised that they had never heard of that word. It took me a while to figure out it was not the correct term.

For a joke my family and I continued to use the terms. When I was a teenager my mom would threaten me to behave or she would cut my mooney off!

It kind of backfired when my older sister phoned home to tell us that she had met a man and it was quite serious. When she told us that his last name was Mooney we completely lost control. My mom and I laughed so hard that we could not get off the kitchen floor for at least two hours! My poor sister, what are the chances the man she would fall in love with would have that name!

They have now been married for ten years and she still can't bring herself to tell him the story! It's our family secret.

Beverly

For reasons lost to history, I used to believe that the word "tambourine" was essentially synonomous with vagina. I was therefore quite confused and intrigued when my older brother told Santa Claus that he wanted a tambourine for Christmas.

I was actually kind of relieved that Christmas when he got one from Santa and I realized my mistake. I did however continue to be intrigued with and confused by those things formerly known as tamborines.

Peter H

When I was four years old and naked in my bedroom, my moher entered and I asked her where babies came from. She pointed to my penis and said, "From inside there." Over the next two years I thought I would have to carry a baby inside my penis if I ever became pregnant. So I avoided any kind of contact with girls on the playground at nursery school and kindergarten. Later, in the 1st grade, my best friend told me the true fact of life. I was shocked and then relieved.

alan abel

when i was younger i was taking a shower with my mom and i saw the hair on her vagina and i started crying and told her that the was a hairy monster attacking her vagina

Lily